Tough life

Life has been pretty tough the past few weeks. Mom was in the hospital for about a month.

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My mom was diagnosed with leukemia 2 months ago. It was something that was very hard to accept. To be honest, I am still trying very hard to comprehend and understand the the fact that my mother has cancer. Why does it have to be my mom? Sometimes, I wish that I was the one with cancer.

She went in and got confined to start her treatment. Unfortunately, 3 days after she was admitted, she was transferred to the ICU. I will never forget that early morning call from my father. He told me to go the hospital asap and that he has already contacted our driver so that I wouldn't have to drive. I called up my very good friends and told them about the call. 2 of them offered to go with me.

Ma had trouble with her breathing and so they had to put her on a respirator or ventilator. It was so hard to see Ma in that kind of condition. Before that, I was kind of in a state of denial. But that night, nag-sink na talaga. :-(

 

I guess Ma was also in denial or both my parents just didn't want others to worry. Ma didn't want other people to know, even her siblings. Pasaway ako e so my closest friends knew about the situation. Hindi ko ata kakayanin yun kung ako lang nakakaalam. Come to think of it, my parents were very brave and strong. They had no other support group aside from us, their kids. So when things didn't look good that night, I decided it was time for our relatives to know. It was hard calling them up and telling them that Ma was sick. They were all shocked to hear about Ma's condition. Bakit noon ko lang daw sinabi? It felt so good to share with them. One of my cousins and her husband immediately went to the hospital after I called them up. Some of Ma's siblings arrived from the province the day after. One of my aunts even came home from abroad. Support just came pouring in.

Life for about a month was just home and the hospital. I would see my friends when they came to visit. God bless the souls of those people who showed their support and concern for our family. I am overwhelemed by the number of people who said that they were praying for my mom. Maraming magtetext asking kung kamusta na ako at ang mom ko. There were also people who sent prayer booklets, blessed oils, food. There was really so much love and support and I appreciate all of them! But hindi pa rin maalis sa akin ang mag-worry. How do I deal with my mother being sick? I know that I have my faith. But I guess I am not as strong as I want to be. People would always tell me to be strong. But how do you do that? How do you do that when your mom has cancer?

My mom has always been my source of strength. If I have problems, my mom would cheer me on. She has always been supportive and spoiled kami sa Mama ko. Now, I have to be the stronger one. And most  of the time, I find that very hard to do. I am trying very hard not to breakdown because my family needs me. Everyday is a struggle. Some would say that we just need to learn how to balance everything. I know my friends mean well with that but sometimes I can't help think that one would REALLY understand me only if he/she was also in the same situation. Well, I wouldn't want them to be in the same situation.

I am trying my best to cope with the situation in my own way. I don't know what the future holds but I am praying that things will get better somehow. Nothing is impossible with God and I believe in miracles.